To a prospective Counsellor

This is a copy of an Email I sent to a Counsellor. As I was limiting the amount of sessions, largely for economic reasons, I wanted to outline my expectations and concerns at the beginning.

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In order to facilitate good use of the time in our initial meeting, I’ve been giving some thought to any questions that might be raised on either side. I’m sure that you, as a professional, will have your own boundaries and questions that you will be required to outline from the outset. So I’ll confine myself here to some of the things I’ve been thinking about.

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A few weeks ago I decided to book some one way counseling support. However, now that I’ve done so, I’m beginning to wonder why.

Initially I was going through a difficult time, but now things seem to have settled down. Although I’m too long in the tooth to believe that the issue has gone away.

I’m trying to think of what I want from my counselor. So first and foremost I want them to be engaged. By that I mean I don’t want to be just passively listened to.

I think of the Counseling relationship as being two minds thinking about one person’s issues.

The difference being, that where the client might be struggling to think and feel in certain places, (because of the distress in their way) the counselor is in the best place, (because they don’t have the same distress*) to hopefully think more clearly about the client’s situation.

One of the hardest things when one hits some deep distress, is managing it. Having to disentangle the past from the current events that are triggering it. So I think I’m hoping that some concentrated one way time, (as different from peer to peer where the time is split equally) may help me be more mindful in the present moment.

The kind of counseling I’ve been involved with for around 40 years or so, is not an intellectual process. The release of painful emotion, ie, tears, anger, laughter, fear, are key to the whole process of recovery. For this to happen, the balance of attention between the past distressing event and the safety of the present moment must be right. Compassion and empathy are important for me in feeling that balance of attention.

*They will however, have their own distress and blind spots.

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Below, I’ve copied and pasted some advisory questions for a prospective client to ask of a counselor. ChatGPT is great for that.😃 To be honest, I don’t feel that strongly about some of them.😂 Although, 2,4,7,8 and 9 caught my eye as I read through them.

1.What is your approach to therapy, and how do you see it aligning with my  needs?

2.Can you tell me about your experience working with issues similar to mine?

3.How do you handle confidentiality, and what are the limits to it?

4.What do you see as the goals or outcomes of therapy, and how do we track progress?

5.How do you handle boundaries and conflicts within the therapeutic relationship?

6.How often do you typically recommend sessions, and how flexible are you with scheduling?

7.What role do you see me playing in my own therapy, and how collaborative is the process?

8.How do you handle crises or emergencies outside of regular sessions?

9.Can you provide an example of how you approach interpreting or understanding client experiences in psychodynamic therapy?

10.How do you handle termination or ending therapy when the time comes?

I hope this may be useful to you. Realizing that you are busy, I don’t need a reply to this email.